


Can You Drown Me?

by DefaltManifesto



Series: Dominance |-/ Submission [2]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Aftercare, Breathplay, Choking, Gen, Internal Kink Shaming, M/M, Masturbation, Platonic Dominance/submission, Platonic Romance, Subdrop, Subspace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 08:56:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4660434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not that Tyler's into Josh. He's just into the pain, the way Josh can make him walk the line between life and death and keep him firmly on one side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can You Drown Me?

**Author's Note:**

> This is still platonic, though at one point Tyler does get off on it, though I REALLY want to emphasize it's because of the pain, not any sexual attraction to Josh. Their relationship is super fucking complicated and hard to write in this context but I'm doing my best. Feedback as always is awesome. Title taken from Drown by Tyler Joseph. 
> 
> Also, one more important note: At no point in this fic does Josh shame Tyler for his kinks. Tyler internally feels shame about it so that's why I have that tag.

[The tumblr](http://schizzar.tumblr.com)

 

The first time Josh chokes him is on accident. They're in the small bathroom of their tour bus going over a pothole-ridden road somewhere in bum-fuck Michigan. Tyler is still woozy and spacey from kneeling and Josh is cleaning his neck with a warm cloth to help keep him down a little longer. They learned early on that cold water brought Tyler up from subspace too fast so after the first time, Josh stuck to warm water. He's got a hand tucked under Tyler's jaw as he works. When they hit a particularly bad hole, Josh rocks forward, hand tightening and sealing off Tyler's air and just like that, Tyler's soaring again.

"Oh shit," Josh says, easing back. He doesn't let go though, the warmth of his hand keeping Tyler steady. "Looking a little blissed out dude. Want me to stop?"

Tyler shakes his head. "Do it again, but longer." His voice feels like its been dragged over gravel.

"Okay." Josh doesn't sound too confident but he braces his legs so the rocking of the bus doesn't catch him off guard. Both of his hands cradle Tyler's neck this time, gentle as he stares right into Tyler's eyes. His blue eye shadow is smudged but Tyler doesn't have time to think about it because then Josh is tightening his grip, closing off his air nice and slow.

Tyler's heartbeat is loud in his ears and he can feel it slow the longer Josh holds on. Then, his throat is free, air harsh and painful as he drags it into his lungs. He's aware, somewhat, of the tears sliding down his cheeks. He's not sad or scared though. He feels so close to perfect he's almost giddy with it. Josh tightens his hands again and Tyler's mouth hangs open, fingers going lax where they'd been gripping tight to the narrow counter. It feels sort of like an orgasm. Everything feels good, intense, _tingly_.

The next time Josh lets go, Tyler realizes with heated embarrassment that his dick is hard and there's no way Josh could miss it.

"I'm sorry," Tyler says after he catches his breath.

"Do you want me to-"

Tyler interrupts him with a shake of his head. "It's not...can you finish cleaning me up?" Tyler feels so ashamed, he doesn't want to keep going.

Josh nods and wipes away his tears before grabbing the washcloth and getting it wet again. He's careful, more so than usual. Tyler feels empty and he sort of wants to cry some more. The only blessing is the shame is strong enough to make the edges of his arousal dry right up. Josh dries his neck with a fluffy towel and then pulls him close, tucking Tyler's face into his neck and shoving his hands up the back of Tyler's sweatshirt to rub up and down his spine.

"It's okay," Josh says. "This shit is still new to us and I'm not like...grossed out by your body's reaction to it."

"Okay but I'm not like...into you that way," Tyler says. He wishes he were smaller, invisible maybe.

"I know. I'm not either. But I like _this_. Holding you. Dominating you. I like giving you that release," Josh says. "But just because it isn't sexual doesn't mean you aren't allowed to have a sexual reaction to it."

"Well look at Mr. Smarty-Pants," Tyler says. He thinks his voice would sound better if he weren't so worried that Josh was going to push him away.

"I've been doing some reading. I wasn't just going to dom you without knowing what the hell I was doing," Josh says. "Did you like the choking?"

Tyler nods. "At least until I realized I popped a boner."

"We could try it again, once we're off the tour," Josh says. "Don't want to fuck up your voice."

Tyler gives a nervous laugh and lets himself lean into Josh's weight even more. Josh's hands are warm and soothing on his back, touch light enough to make him shiver. He wants to bury himself under Josh's skin. He wants to dig himself deep enough that Josh couldn't make him leave no matter how much he tried because _maybe_ then he'd feel secure about himself again.

"Separate bunks tonight or no?" Josh asks.

"Same one, please."

Josh hugs Tyler a little tighter.

 

-.-

 

They try the choking thing again when they have a three week break around Christmas. Tyler makes up some bullshit excuse to buy him and Josh time so the bruises can heal before Tyler sees his parents.

"I don't plan on leaving bruises," Josh says as he straddles Tyler's waist.

They're in Tyler's bedroom in their shared apartment, which is a step up from what they'd had before they started touring. That doesn't mean it's glamorous though. Tyler's full sized bed barely fits in his room, but it's home and that's what's important.

"Safe signals?" Josh asks.

"Snap three times if I need you to stop," Tyler says. He wanted to be able to resist and still have Josh push him, keep him in line. Josh had insisted on some way to know when to _really_ stop, and Tyler had obliged because in all honesty, he needed the safety net too.

"And if you need to, or want to, you can rub off on me," Josh says. "No big deal either way, we're still friends."

Tyler swallows and nods. He's not quite sure what he'll do in the moment, because he _knows_ he'll get hard but he just doesn't think of Josh in the way. But he knows he can trust Josh. All he's gotta do is let himself float.

Josh runs his fingers up and down Tyler's neck, looking a bit like he's bracing himself for what he's about to do. Then he leans forward and starts to apply pressure. Tyler lets his eyes slide shut, back arching as he reflexively tries to breath to no avail. His hands twitch by his sides but Josh lets go before he can move. The rush of oxygen back into his brain almost makes him stop breathing again it's so sudden and heady. When he kneels, it takes awhile for him to sink into it, but this? This takes just one try and he's there.

Josh tightens his grip again and Tyler arches up again, cock hard and rubbing along the seam of Josh's sweats. The shock of pleasure it sends through him confuses the hell out of his brain, like it doesn't know if he should be begging for more or fighting to make it all stop.

"Fuck Tyler, you're amazing," Josh murmurs when he lets go.

Tyler drags in a heaving breath and opens his eyes. The pillow beneath him is wet with his tears and Josh is staring down at him with a look of awe and adoration Tyler isn't quite sure he deserves.

"You need me to stop?" Josh asks.

Tyler shakes his head but when he opens his mouth to speak, nothing comes out. He doesn't want to ruin how good he feels with words, so instead he places his hands over Josh's and makes him start squeezing again. He's so deep into the feeling he can't even feel ashamed about how hard he is. Josh cradles his throats and holds the air at bay and Tyler stares up at him until his vision blurs and he's clutching at Josh's wrist, tugging at them because he can't _breath_ and he feels like he's _dying_ and it's the best feeling-

"Shh, five more seconds for me, c'mon, three, two, one...."

Josh lets go and Tyler goes limp against the bed, every muscle in his neck deliciously strained and aching. Tyler's never seen Josh's eyes so dark and serious. He feels like Josh is able to see every inch of him, like he's picking him apart and examining him, _judging_ him and yet still finding him worthy.

"One more time for me," Josh says.

Tyler nods. Josh grips his neck hard this time, so hard he can't help but keep his eyes open and stare right into Josh's because he needs to know he's safe. That Josh will stop if he asks. Josh holds him there until Tyler is a moment away from tapping out and then he releases and rolls off of him. Tyler can't help himself then, shoving a hand down to cradle his dick through his jeans and tightening it just once before he's coming, harsh and fast. He shudders and shakes his way through it, vision blurred on the edges from tears and the lack of air he's still trying to catch back.

When Tyler finally comes back into his body, Josh is propped up on his side next to him petting his hair. Tyler gives a weak smile, mind still soft and floating.

"Good?" Josh asks, a small smile on his lips.

Tyler nods because he still doesn't want to talk. He does nudge Josh out of the way enough to get his soiled clothes off in exchange for some old gym shorts. It's when he's throwing his clothes in his hamper that he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror on the back of his bedroom door.

His face is splotchy and red, eyes swelling a bit from tears and faint bruises starting to blossom along his neck. He's never felt so disgusted with himself. It must show on his face because a moment later, Josh is stepping up behind him and wrapping a fleece blanket over his shoulders.

"Into bed. I've gotta grab some stuff."

Tyler obeys, curling up into a tight ball as he starts to shake, tears burning his already sore eyes. He doesn't even notice Josh has climbed into bed next to him until his head is being tilted up so he can take a few swallows of Gatorade.

"So fucking proud of you Tyler, seriously," Josh says. "You took everything I gave you so damn well."

The praise should be comical, but it chases away some of the chill in his bones. Josh feeds him some chips and then chocolate after half the Gatorade is gone, the stream of kind words Tyler is only half processing never stopping. It's only after Josh has finished feeding him that Tyler finds his voice.

"Sorry for you know. Coming," Tyler says.

"I said you could. Doesn't freak me out, honest. Even if I thought you were popping a boner for me I wouldn't be surprised because I'm a fucking catch," Josh says, pulling Tyler close so he can rub Tyler's back.

"I don't really know why I'm popping them in the first place," Tyler admits against Josh's chest.

"Does that scare you?" Josh asks.

"A little bit," Tyler says. "I mean, it's gotta mean I'm fucked up right? Who gets off on their best friend choking them?"

Josh shrugs. "I don't think it makes you a bad person, Tyler. I mean, you feel better, right?"

Tyler thinks. Minus the shame he can't quite shake, he _does_ feel pretty good; owned, safe, grounded. "I guess, yeah."

"Then it isn't bad."

Tyler hopes it's that simple.


End file.
